(Now ladies, if you are going to read this, there is a message for you at the bottom of the post.)
An airline flight attendant picks up the intercom and begins to speak to the passengers: “Ladies and gentlemen,” the voice is cracking and hesitant, “the captain has asked that I reassure you not to worry about our left engine that is on fire. Everything will be OK. The fire will soon be out and this airplane can land with the one remaining engine.” Then a passenger screams out, “Yea, land in how many pieces?”
As a former U. S. Air Force pilot and a current husband of 36 years, I can guarantee you that as precarious as that emergency single engine landing might be, it will have a far greater chance of survival than a so called 50/50 marriage. The airplane will land safely, with only some frayed nerves among the passengers; however, the 50/50 marriage will crash and burn.
A 50/50 marriage is lunacy. Why give only half to your marriage when you want the whole enchilada for everything else in life? Have you forgotten that a 50% test grade meant you flunked the test (unless graded on a curve and we won’t go there)? That is exactly what will happen in a 50/50 marriage…it is only a matter of time. That kind of relationship, that mentality, is a disaster waiting to happen — and it won’t take long! A 50/50 marriage = 100% misery.
Do you want your marriage to remain intact, to be a lifelong success, or do you want to fail? It is up to you. Look at the rings. Picture -A- takes 100% effort. Picture -B- is what you get with a 50/50 marriage. Shattered dreams and shredded lives.
So, men, you need to give more, much more. You must come to understand what sacrifice is all about. You must strive for the 100% threshold.
However, there are many obstacles hindering you from reaching your goal. One of them is that you are challenged or impeded, to a certain extent, by a latent gene that has recently been discovered. Don’t use this as an excuse because you can overcome it. You still have the responsibility to do the right thing — to love your wife totally. Let me explain.
We have all read about genetic research discovering genes that pass on tendencies toward various diseases, behaviors, etc. Researchers have now isolated a gene, found almost exclusively in men that, at times, morphs us into being selfish, lazy, self-indulgent, egotistical, neglectful, a couch potato, a sport fanatic, and the list goes on and on and on. The gene has a long, difficult to pronounce, multi-syllable, Latin name so I will not twist your mind with it. I will just use the, more descriptive, slang form. They call it the Jackass gene. Simply put - it makes men act like a jackass. In other words, you forget about your wife and focus on yourself – not good for marriage.
You don’t have to believe me, but it is true. To prove it to yourself, don’t waste your time doing an Internet search or contacting a genetic research company, all you have to do is ask your sister, mother, or mother-in-law. At least one of them will unequivocally confirm the fact that you are a jackass…at least once in awhile.
All kidding aside, a successful marriage takes the best that you both can give. Here is part of the secret:
• You, the husband, strive to give (love and sacrifice) 100%.
• Keep that jackass gene under control.
• Do not be evaluating, ranking, or assessing your wife’s performance.
This last item is crucial. You take care of your part of the marriage equation and let your wife take care of hers, unencumbered by accusations, innuendo, or negative running commentary of any sort.
Think of the best football coaches. For all practical purposes, they are god when it comes to the team. They demand you give 100% and they are not interested in hearing your bickering about some other player who you believe to be a slacker. You do your job and let the coach take care of the rest.
The same principle goes in a marriage. You do your job, giving 100%, with no bickering to God about your spouse, and allow God to work on the perceived/real imperfections that you think you see in her.
For those of you familiar with scripture, here are three verses you must forget. Totally blot them out in your bible. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.”(Eph 5:22-24) Of course, these were meant for your wives, but your wives are not to be reminded of them by you.
God gave you plenty to do. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…;”(Eph 5:25-31) You do this right and you will have the second best marriage on the planet.
For the Christian, here is a guarantee. Just knowing Christ as your savior will not save your marriage. You must live Christ. He must be intertwined within the life of the marriage.
Just one final point; kind of a reminder.
Love is endless – you will never run out. When I got married I loved my wife more than I could possibly imagine. Then children started coming along and I loved them too. That love I had for my wife didn’t decrease so there was some left for the children; in fact my love for her grew even stronger over time. I love my fourth child no less than my first. The same process applies with the grandchildren. You never run out of love for them no matter how many you have. God gave each of us an endless supply of love. However, He also gave us an on/off switch; it is called “free will.” We choose to love or choose to be selfish.
Please, allow love to win. You will never regret it.
Take courage, my friend.
I am Wylie’s wife, and I approve of this post.
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(For all you ladies who did not heed the “For Men Only” title tag, you now must, anonymously, email your husband/fiancé/boyfriend the link to this post.)